Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

Hello again. It has been a while since I have written a blog post. Being a mom and a full-time employee does not always lend itself to extra time for other projects, but here we are….. I wanted to share my experience with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). I wanted to do so partly because our products provide some relief and partly because we don’t talk about important stuff surrounding women’s health very often. So frequently do we ignore or chastise women for talking about our menses that most people have never heard of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) at all. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe, sometimes disabling extension of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). PMDD causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt work and damage relationships. Symptoms include extreme sadness, hopelessness, irritability, or anger, plus common premenstrual syndrome symptoms. With that being considered, I wanted to take a minute and talk about something very personal for me that I hope others find helpful. I am a therapist by training, so there is a lot of effort that goes into not self-diagnosing, and I am also a human with my own physical and mental responses.

For the past few years, I have suffered from suicidal ideations. They only appear at certain times, and they are primarily passive. They are directly related to my being a woman and close to menopause, despite doctors telling me that my labs are fine. Just before my menstrual begins every month, I turn into someone else. The personal experience for me is jarring. I begin to think differently; my thoughts seem to come from a place I cannot find within myself. I notice that I get overwhelmed to the point that I am uncomfortable driving or even making decisions. We have a rule in my house, one that I created, that I am not allowed to make major decisions during this time because things internally for me are so different than any other time of the month or time of my life. Thankfully, I have found relief in CBD. For whatever reason, anti-depressants do not work for me and seem to make things worse. Although doctors tell me that they should work and I should just keep upping the dose, anti-depressants are not the solution for me.

There was a really bad day that I had a while back. I was really struggling with the day I have every month, which includes battling suicidal thoughts and depression. I was desperate, so I took a small dose of delta 8, and within 30 minutes, I was no longer having thoughts of suicide, and I was able to get up and leave my room of solitude and darkness to join my family in a small activity. This was a game-changer. I have tried birth control pills, meditating, doing yoga, and trying to keep my negative thoughts at bay using the skills my training has taught me. I have tracked my symptoms using my app and returned them to the doctors for assistance. Unfortunately, none of these things help. Because the evidence is undeniable to me, I started micro-dosing with our products to help me find relief. Now without going through unnecessary surgery to remove my inners, I can manage the symptoms that show up like clockwork every single month.

My goal is never to get high and hide from my life. I want more than anything to be an active member of my life, and I want to feel all the good and the bad that comes with being a woman, mom, and wife. The problem is that I don’t want to do anything when I have these flare-ups. I remember one year that it was so bad that I literally could not get out of bed for my son’s birthday, and the guilt that came with that was almost unbearable. If I am using my emotions as a guide to my experience, I know that not being able to push through for my son on an important day went against my morals and ethics. My two boys that I have been blessed with are the basis for every decision I make. It went against my own values that I could not get up and push through to show him how grateful I am to have him in my life, to celebrate his just being alive. I know we get to show this every day, but birthdays are a special day.